Election section

We've been getting the usual election bumf through the letterbox.  It's all horribly badly written and poorly designed, so the only thing to do is to judge the candidates on their photos.

First up - Tory Glynn Chambers.  Glynn makes a big play of his Vauxhall connections in his PR guff.  Looking at his snaps, I suspect that's because he spends a lot of time with his shirt off blowing a whistle in clubs like Chunk and Horse Meat.  As a lazy liberal I'm very comfortable with this aspect of the local community - there's few things that make me feel healthier than the seeing drug-stunned zombies staggering around on a Sunday morning with their dog-skin caps pulled over their eyes as they try to chew their own faces off.  But - and I stress I couldn't bare to read his actual policies - Glynn may wish to tone down any pledges based around glowsticks for all or declaring the Royal Vauxhall Tavern an independent state.  The Tories aren't ready for it yet. (note - Glynn Chambers may in fact not be an aggressive homosexual)

Next up - Caroline Pidgeon of the Lib Dems.  This is tricky for me because I like the Lib Dems but I hate birds.  But on the basis of the photo this is one pidgeon I can trust.  Look at the empathetic head tilt.  Those limpid brown eyes.  The lego lady haircut is odd, but she's clearly a kindly sort.  If she met Glynn after he'd had one too many disco biscuits she'd take him home and give him tea and hob nobs.

Finally, Kate Hoey - the sitting Labour big beast.  I did actually try to read her leaflet but it's such totally pointless balls I had to stop and write this silly blog instead.  The most important thing about Kate that struck me is her frightening similarity to alien-hunting, Pentagon-baiting, going-to-prison-for-ever computer hacker Gary MacKinnon.

So that's that - election sorted.  Lovely Lib Dem lady wins.  Sorry Glynn, sorry Gary.